After a Soul Crushing Week, I’m Starting Over Tomorrow

Last Updated on January 15, 2022 by Michael Brockbank

I’ve been MIA all week, from everything. To say that I’ve had a rough time dealing with stuff since last Monday is an understatement. But I’m getting a bit of my composure back and trying to keep myself moving forward. Though, it’s one of those things you never really truly “get over.”

And it’s one of those things that strikes me straight to the bone.

Why I Was Missing All Week?

Just before my live stream on WriterSanctuary’s YouTube channel, I received a call that rank among the worst to receive. It ranks right up there with when my ex called to tell me my son committed suicide.

My brother had shot himself.

I’m still in a haze but am trying to keep it together for Dad, who is currently living in my brother’s basement. He heard the shot, which is really doing a number on him from a mental perspective.

I could tell that my brother wasn’t in the best headspace on Christmas. However, he wasn’t the schizophrenic mess he was last time he came down to my house. He seemed to be doing better.

I was probably closer to Brian than any other immediate family members, including my dad. And about seven years ago, I would never have thought he would do this. But Brian was a very broken person, especially after losing his best friend, whom I also thought of as a brother, just two weeks after my son ended his life.

Needless to say, it hasn’t been smooth-sailing since October of 2019.

I’ve lost both a son and a brother due to suicide…within two years of each other. Not to mention losing my stepdad just two months ago, whom my mother was married to for 40 years.

And I’m having severe issues trying to wrap my mind around it all.

Getting Back On Track, Though a Bit Sluggish

Unfortunately, this also means that being the stress eater I am, I pretty much gave up this entire past week. I’ve been fueled by sugar and caffeine since last Monday, and am definitely feeling the effects.

One of the last things Brian said to me on Christmas was that he was proud of how well I’m doing. Between losing 80 pounds, having a great career that I love, and publishing my first book, he was truly excited for me.

The way I’ve treated myself this week would definitely make him frown.

So, starting tomorrow, I am getting back on track. I’ve reset the 12-week challenge spreadsheet and am ready to get it back on the rails. Though, this means I’ll end the 12-week challenge while in Las Vegas on April 10th.

At least the hotel will have a swimming pool and weight room. I just won’t be able to track my weight with the Renpho scale until I get back.

It’s hard. I just want to curl up on the beanbag chair and stare at my Christmas tree. Yes, it’s still up.

I made it through Keefer’s death without completely imploding. I’m sure I’ll weather this storm as well.

Never Underestimate the Value of Mental Health

I talk about mental health quite a bit for WriterSanctuary. But it’s more of the aspect of success being 90% mental. Because the way you think about anything is going to affect whether or not you’ll be successful.

And I’ve covered ways to prevent yourself from burning out in your career.

However, I don’t go into a lot of detail about mental health in general outside of impostor syndrome. Sure, we all get depressed, anxious, or suffer from low self-esteem or a lack of confidence. But mental health goes much further and deeper than that.

One of the hardest things to live with is watching someone who was always happy and full of life slowly fold in on himself to the point where suicide is the only clear course of action.

Unfortunately, you can’t make someone seek professional help. You can try to push for counseling and provide advice when asked. But in the end, it’s the individual who has to want help before it becomes effective.

What’s also unfortunate is that severe mental health issues aren’t always rooted in emotional status.

Drug abuse can cause severe complications in the brain, to the point where damage is apparent. And without a physically fit brain, emotional trauma can be greatly amplified.

The point is that you should always be aware of your mental health, and listen to those in your life when things start going awry. Those closest people to you just want you to be safe and healthy.

It’s Tough, But I Will Survive

Brian asked me once how I was able to pull myself away from the brink of self-destruction. I told him exactly what I did and how I persevered. I even wrote a book about the experience.

Unfortunately, he didn’t want to take such drastic steps back then. Sometimes, you have to make those major changes in order to get yourself back on track.

Take care of yourself, not just physically, but mentally as well. Because more people care about you than you probably realize, and to bear witness to someone slowly degrading is a lot to put them through.

You’re not the only one who is affected by your overall health.

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About Author

Michael Brockbank

Since 2015, Michael has put in the effort to lose more than 80 pounds by gamifying fitness and eating proper portion sizes. He conducts extensive research into various health and fitness products to provide the best answers possible according to his own experience and knowledge.

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