Last Updated on February 16, 2018 by Michael Brockbank
I originally started this website to help me stay focused and become healthy so I can ride in the Pedal the Plains event in 2016. Although that backfired miserably, I still keep up with maintaining Crossing Colorado. I am technically considered obese still, and it’s a bit disheartening when I think about it.In reality, I’ve lost around 60 pounds since creating this site. That’s not really a lot considering how long I’ve tried to lose weight. While some people seem to drop fat like seeds from a burger bun, others like myself have a far more difficult time.
Self-Discovery of Why I am Considered Obese
This morning, I weighed in at 234.6. Which is better than the 240.6 I weighed at the beginning of the year. But still, that’s not a massive improvement over a month and a half.
So after taking a close look at myself, what are some valid conclusions about why I am still considered obese? If you see yourself in any of these points, know that you’re not alone.
Lack of Will Power at Night
I do exceptionally well throughout the day when it comes to maintaining a diet and getting enough exercise. It’s after dinner when my day falls completely apart. This usually entails a binge of junk foods while telling myself, “Frack it.”
However, there is a noticeable difference in my day when I keep myself occupied at night. For example, playing games or doing something physical usually results in less snacking.
This is because I am one of those boredom eaters.
Constant Battle with Depression
Food is a security net for me. I usually eat a lot when I am depressed or stressed out. It’s been an uphill battle since I had to close down my business. It’s something I never really fully recovered from.
Lately, the depression and anxiety have been manageable. Committing to the Xbox Kinect routines this year has helped tremendously.
But there are days when I still get blue and turn to chocolate.
Easily Talked into Eating Poorly
I don’t really have a lot of will power when it comes to food. All it takes is someone to suggest something tasty for dinner and I’m all in. This has been an exceptionally difficult habit to break.
On the upside, though, I’ve made leaps and bounds in this department. For instance, I rejected Taco Bell and pizza this week…which is quite the undertaking for myself.
Often too Lazy to Get Up and Move
Another big issue I have is outright laziness. Until recently, I found it easier to just sit and watch YouTube and Netflix than get up and do something.
Out of all my issues, this is perhaps the one I am defeating the most. On many days, I actively walk around looking for something physical to do just so I can keep my heart rate above 60…even if that means mopping the kitchen and bathroom floors.
I still have a long way to go before I can say this point is conquered, but it’s getting there.
Lack of Commitment to Do Better for Myself
According to the DSM, I am quite a self-defeatist. I have the capacity to achieve success myself but don’t, and rather put effort into helping others. In other words, I sacrifice what’s good for me to make sure everyone else is taken care of.
I know what needs to be done, I just need to do it for myself.
This is another aspect that I am clearing up, though. I’ve started putting my foot down on certain things and pulled myself away from bad situations. I just need to do more to take care of myself first.
What I am Doing to Change
One of my favorite sayings is, “There is no such thing as failure if you’re able to learn something from the experience.” Over the last two years, I’ve learned a lot about why I am considered obese and why I haven’t done much to fix this.
I’m simply not one of those people who can go on a diet and be in shape within six months. I am damaged goods, and it’s going to take a lot of fixing before I am whole again.
Here are a few of the things I want to do more of to help guide my success.
Committing More to Personal Case Studies
The case studies on myself in regards to the Xbox Kinect are quite fruitful. Not only am I doing better on calorie burn, but I am finding ways to occupy my time outside of snacking.
Besides, it would be nice to know what foods I eat that alter my moods throughout the day.
More Activity in Social Media
Part of why I started a YouTube channel and other social accounts was to stay motivated for health. However, a lack of followers doesn’t really reinforce the reason. Instead, I get a bit bummed out about it and put in a half-ass effort.
I need to stop doing this and push myself for more activity. Give people a reason to follow my account and quit making excuses as to why I don’t. Do it for me and not an audience. After all, that’s why I started them in the first place.
Find Better Late Night Hobbies
If I keep active at night, I snack less. The problem is, it’s hard to keep focused some days. Perhaps once I build my new computer and start streaming on Twitch again, I’ll have less time for snacking.
But what can I do in the mean time? More games? More cleaning? Perhaps I should get back into writing my novel or busting out the colored pencils.
Maybe a nightly activity schedule would be ideal for me? It’s sad that I have to treat myself like a 10-year old, but that’s what happens when you lack structure.
I know I can Do This
Sometimes I feel like a fraud when maintaining this website. Sure, I’ve lost 60 pounds. But I should have been at my goal weight by now. Instead, I am still considered obese because of my lack of effort. I need to do more not only to legitimize the material on this site, but to improve myself as well.
I’ve got a long way to go. I know what needs to be done…now I just need to do it.